Survival Guide, Child

Even though our children seem in constant need of entertainment, most budgets will not support weekly trips to Disneyland, Six Flags, or the latest Characters on Ice show. Below are some ideas on how to entertain those restless offspring when the wind seems to be whistling through the void in your wallet.

The joys of owning a pet can truly be innumerable, and over time "Porter" the dog or "Boots" the cat can become a cherished part of the family. Eventually, though, the death of that pet can rock the emotions throughout your household.

As a father, few things are more embarrassing than being called to the principal's office because your child was caught cheating on a test. This not only makes your child look bad, but it also makes you look like a bad father. The worst part is that you don't know why your child would do such a thing!

Have you ever tried to explain something to your kids using language that they are simply too young to understand? Or, worse yet, using language with your teenager that is more appropriate for a toddler? Either way can be a waste of your time and your child's time.

"Ear infection." Among parents that have lived to tell the tale, these are dirty words. They're the most common ailments that kids between the ages of 6 months and two years suffer from, and they can easily make a kid very miserable. This can mean sleepless nights, cranky days and general melancholy around the house -- no fun.

Having a baby quickly changes a man's outlook on life. That box of magazines and videos you've been collecting for years? It's now a trunk full of evidence that you were once decadent and sleazy. All that loud music? Those CDs are now just glorified baby alarm clocks. And your man cave, filled with all your trophies, figurines, video games, comic books and posters? Sorry to tell you this, but your special place is a big, fat choking hazard.

One great way to bring out the youth in your kids (and the youth in yourself) is through magic. Pull a quarter from behind an unsuspecting ear, flip a chosen card out of a deck or make a six-foot scarf disappear, and your kids will think you're out of this world. Besides, any good father and prospective old man have to have a few magic tricks in his repertoire.

Finding the ideal pediatrician might be one of the most important decisions you'll ever make concerning your child. As a dad, you might be compelled at first to find the pediatrician with the most attractive nursing staff. While it might be the best choice for you, it might not be best for your child.

Do you remember hearing Arnold on "Diff'rent Strokes" talk about the bully at his school? Remember the name of that bully? If you said, "The Gooch," give yourself a pat on the back and start getting out more. Unfortunately, bullying is still a huge thing that children deal with at school.