Submitted by tony on March 7, 2008 - 8:13pm.
Ahh, springtime. Your daughter is growing up,
climbing in height, softening around the edges and quickly discarding the child
and baby you once knew. She is becoming a woman, and there's nothing you can do
about it. She can't be your little girl forever.
As a father, it is understandably difficult, if not downright impossible, to
understand what she's going through. Let's face it -- we're men. Puberty for us
meant a deeper voice, a growth spurt and some hair. All pluses. Girls started
to look a little cuter to us during puberty, as well. Another plus.
For girls, though, puberty is a universally different milestone. Society has
placed the impetus on women to be beautiful -- not men -- and it is ironically
during this time in their lives that girls begin to understand this more and
more. As puberty progresses, young girls grow into the women they will become,
and they learn to reconcile their body image with our cultural expectations of
the "perfect woman." It is a tremendously fragile and self-conscious
journey, and men are not equipped to understand or deal with it.
Your daughter will probably start to show signs of puberty at around 10 years
old, although it can happen anywhere between the ages of 8 and 12, generally.
The beginning of female puberty is known as thelarche, and it is
characterized by the development of breasts. Around 18 months later she will
begin to grow underarm and pubic hair, and then in another six months or so
she'll begin menarche -- her first period.
Of course, as her father you won't know when she gets her first period unless
she tells you. It's not necessarily apparent, although there may be some
warning signs. All girls experience menstruation differently, and some girls
take it harder than others. You daughter may experience flu-like symptoms, such
as headache, backache, sore legs and nausea. The most common symptoms, of
course, are cramping and discharge.
This is not something your daughter will want to discuss with her dad.
Likewise, it's probably a decent bet that you're not really all that interested
in discussing it with her, either. In situations like these, it's best to call
in the wife. As a father you can certainly take a role in her development, but
only if you're asked to. Otherwise, you can really only be supportive of her --
by understanding that she's changing, and by being sensitive to her moods and
her needs. It's a strange job, and you may find yourself in over your head, but
it's the easiest way for all involved.
For the single father, however, ducking out isn't always an option. With no
wife to turn to, you may start to feel a little bit like a deer in the
headlights. You haven't the slightest idea what you're going to do -- how can
you even approach your daughter with something like this?
- Find a woman -- Your best bet, in all honesty, is to find a woman
who can help. Your mother is an easy first choice, as are any female relatives.
In the absence of family, choose a close female friend to help. Even an
ex-girlfriend who you are on good terms with would work. You can learn as much
as you want about menstruation and cramping and pubic hair growth, but none of
that is going to help you when your daughter needs to apply her first Tampax.
You need a woman.
- Brush up -- Where experience isn't possible, we can
only rely on knowledge. That is to say, it's time for Menstruation 101. In all
likelihood you won't even need this stuff, because your daughter will have
already learned it in school or on the Internet. Even if you do need to tell
her what it is, you'll probably be so nervous you can't finish. Still, it
doesn't hurt to get to know your enemy. These two articles (here
and here) will give you everything you need to know.
- Point her in the right direction -- If your daughter inexplicably
doesn't know the first thing about menstruation, it's going to fall on you to
teach her. Rather than put yourself through the embarrassment of discussing it
with her, you can help her find some information. Web sites like DotGirlProducts.com
and Tampax.com have lots
of information on puberty and menstruation, and some even have testimonials
from other girls about their first times.
- Don't make her feel weird -- Some websites discuss throwing menarche
parties for your daughter's first period, with jewelry and dancing and female
friends and other girl stuff. DO NOT DO THIS. This is the territory of the
girl's mother or your chosen symbolic menstruation instructor -- not her
father. In other departments, don't embarrass her in front of her friends, try
to avoid making references to her being a child or otherwise underdeveloped,
and don't make her feel ugly ... ever.
- Take her out sometime -- Sometimes it's best to just go out and have
fun and not worry about it. Let her know that you want to take her out and do
something with her, whatever she likes. Make a daddy-daughter date out of it,
with dinner and a movie, if you like. Talk about innocuous things and just
generally enjoy your daughter's presence. She'll enjoy it, as well, and she'll
appreciate the gesture.
You're in enemy territory here, and it's okay to be scared. If you've got
a good wife on your side, however, you've got nothing to worry about. If you're
stuck out here on your own, this may be more of a problem. Stick it out,
however, and just keep one thing in mind: your daughter is becoming a
woman. That means she's still part little girl, and you better enjoy it while
it lasts.
