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by Anthony Romanelli

6:01pm "Maggie, daddy needs to change your diaper."
"No."
"Maggie, do you want the Tigger diaper or the Mickey Mouse diaper?"
"No. I want Mommy to change my diaper!"

Oh, it is SO on...

6:02
"Maggie, Mommy is busy with Jordan, which diaper would you like?"
"NO DADDY."
"Maggie, that's one."
"No, Daddy."
"Maggie that's two."
Maggie falls to the floor, invokes her own personal devil, tantrums herself for minutes, flails her toddler arms and screams so loud that anger takes over every serene ounce of my inner calm.
"Maggie, that's three. To the stairs, please."

6:05
"NOOOOO!" All the while she flails like the devil wrapped in a dead fish.
Walking toward Maggie to pick her up, her volume erupts. "NO, DADDY, NO, NO, NO!"
I step back. "To the stairs on your own or Daddy will come pick you up." Flailing fish calms it down to tiny tantrums and forced breaths. "Bu, bu, but, I WANT MY MOMMY!"

Breathe, Anthony, Breathe. "I wonder if KG and the Celts beat LeBron last night?" I ask myself.

6:07
I take three steps toward Mount St. Maggie and she erupts again. "DADDY, GO TO THE OTHER ROOM."
"I can't sweetheart, Mommy is in there changing Jordan's diaper." Uh oh, too honest. "I want Mommy to CHANGE MIIIIIIIIINE!"

6:08
"Maggie, that's one." Maggie, still lying on the floor, pancakes herself so her bottom is now upwards, facing me. Great tantrum, now a great view. Great.

6:10
"Maggie, that's two" I've been told this One-Two-Three system of sorts is supposed to work...scare my kid into being better. I'm not wholly sure that's the case.

6:11
"Maggie, that's three. To the stairs, please."
"But DAAAAAAADDDDY."
"Go, please."

6:12
"I," sniff, sniffle, cough, sniffle, "I, I, I'm bettahhh." The word "Better" cannot possibly be formed in between snots and sniffles.

6:13
"Please go to the family room so I can change your diaper." I say.
"F, f, fi, fine," she forces out.

6:15
And it all leads to a fruition and outright honesty most parents never prepare themselves for..."Daddy, may I see my poop?"