Submitted by tony on April 28, 2008 - 11:34am.
The
joys of owning a pet can truly be innumerable, and over time "Porter" the dog
or "Boots" the cat can become a cherished part of the family. Eventually, though, the death of that pet can
rock the emotions throughout your household. Often, children are hardest hit by
the loss, sometimes even being at an age where they do not remember what life
was like without that friend of the family.
When that time comes, the following approaches may help make dealing
with the loss of a pet easier for you and your children.
- Prepare them ahead of time - While it may be
impossible to anticipate accidents, if your pet has a lingering illness,
terminal disease, or debilitating injury, it is important that you prepare your
children ahead of time for what is likely to come. Be honest.
Explain that the pet is sick and will likely die. Explain that when animals die, they do not
get better and they do not come back.
Tell them that it's not okay for the animal to suffer and that it's
important to make the animal as comfortable as possible. Sometimes it is appropriate to say that their
pet will "be happier when she gets to heaven," or to talk about how when she
passes away, she will be with other animals in a place where she can run all
she wants and play in the grass forever.
Sometimes these metaphors work for children.
As
it gets closer, though, a delicate comment like "it looks like she might pass
away soon," might help. And while many
children might not be ready for every detail, it is important not to lie. Don't tell your children that your dog "ran
away," or "went to live on a farm."
- Respect their emotions - Allow your child
to express him or herself regarding the loss.
Their emotions are likely to be all over the place. Sometimes they may be withdrawn and
reflective, other times clingy or weepy.
Other times, your child may even dismiss it or act if he or she is
unaffected. Be patient and respectful of
all their emotions. Share memories, laughs, and tears. Be willing to talk about
it, but mostly listen. Whatever they are
feeling, it's okay. Give them the room
to feel what they feel. There are also
excellent books like Dog Heaven and Cat Heaven that can help children deal
with their loss and understand what has taken place.
- Take steps to commemorate the memories - Gather pictures
of your pet with and without family members.
Sit and talk with your children while they make a frame for their
favorite picture to keep in their room.
Or, if you prefer, use many of the pictures to make a scrapbook or
collage. If your child is old enough,
encourage your child to write about his or her feelings--whether as a journal
entry, poem, or story. And if you feel it
might help, organize a ceremony to give your pet a proper memorial (a group
prayer, for example, a special dinner, or maybe even a trip to a favorite park
where each family member shares his or her memories of the pet). It is critical to allow your children to
work through both their feelings and their memories.
According
to San Diego-based child psychologist Valerie J. Christian, when children lose
a pet they "may become fearful of losing other significant relationships." Furthermore, she recommends that you "find
out what thoughts they are having and what emotions they are experiencing. Be reassuring and patient. With time, your children should work through
these feelings and fears." The death of
a pet can be a very traumatic, moving, and emotional experience for both you
and your children. Following the
aforementioned steps, however, just may help to soften the blow for your entire
family.
Related
links:
VetMedicine's take
iVillage's take
