Submitted by tony on March 30, 2008 - 2:38pm.
Peer pressure is one of
those unfortunate aspects of adolescence that affects kids of every race,
status and social class. Examples of it are all around us from real life
experiences to those found in the televisions shows, movies and music that
profoundly influence every aspect of society. One needs to look no further than
young Hollywood stars, such as Lindsay Lohan
or Britney Spears, to see the harmful effects of falling prey to peer pressure.
Dads face great
challenges when trying to assist their children in dealing with the emotions of
peer pressure and how to stay strong in the face of it. The difficulties are
two-fold in that dads may find difficulty relating to the challenges of peer
pressure in today's society and children often view their dad as out of touch
with what is going on in their world. So, how do you combat this? Here are some
tips:
- Anticipate potential scenarios: When your
child has reached an appropriate age, begin discussing situations
in which peer pressure may be a factor. Encourage them to be honest about
the choices they may be tempted to make and why. Make sure no subjects are
off limits, including sex, drugs, stealing, sneaking out and more. Use pop
culture examples to let them know you are still aware of the things going
on in their world. Although it may be difficult for you to hear your child
admit they may be tempted to do the wrong thing, this is your opportunity
to talk to them about their decisions and all possible outcomes and
consequences. Moreover, the conversation you have with them now may play a
role in their decision-making process should they find themselves in a bad
situation.
- Don't be the judge and jury: Nothing will cause
a child to clamp down quicker than an angry, judgmental father. For
example, if your kid admits to cutting class with friends, don't
automatically yell and ground them. Instead, talk about why they did what they
did and why the outcome of their actions could have been unsafe. Listen
effectively to your child when they come to you about problems with
peer pressure. Pay attention to everything they are saying --- and what
they are not. Remember that physical expressions, combined with words, can
give you great insight into the range of emotions your child is
experiencing.
- Reinforce self-esteem: This is all about
reinforcing their self-esteem and sense of self-worth. In many instances,
this very ideal is what separates the children who give in to peer
pressure from those who do not. Children who have a strong, core value
system, close-knit family and a keen understanding of their own self-worth
are more likely to be leaders within their circle. This means they are
less likely to blindly follow the crowd, particularly when it comes to
situations clearly have no benefit to them. Talk to your child
about standing apart from the crowd and focus on their best attributes
to enhance their self-esteem.
- Schedule family time: No matter how busy
all of you are, make room in your daily schedules for family
time. This helps to guard against negative outside influences in your
child's life because it lets them know there are people in their corner no
matter what they do. Kids tend to trend in the right direction when they
know they have a lot of support at home from parents and siblings. Family
meals, activities after dinner, helping with homework, weekend outings and
more all create a loving environment for your child. This gives them the
strength and the courage to fight against peer pressure challenges.
- Maintain trust: Trust is the
most important aspects of your relationship with your child. Helping
them to battle against peer pressure means ensuring they are willing to
talk to you about what is going on in their life. Kids will only do this
if they do not think you are likely to blow up about every thing they say.
Keep an open line of communication with your child. The key to doing this
successfully is balance. When they bring a dilemma to your attention,
listen before you do or say anything. Take action when it is appropriate,
but choose your battles wisely. Particularly if the situation is not
serious, you will get much farther in the eyes of your kid by letting them
talk about their decisions without lecture or consequence. You may find
that they draw their own conclusions about the situation without you ever
having to say a word.
- Have realistic expectations: Be realistic in
your expectations of your child and use your personal
experiences to communicate effectively. Dads often forget that they
were once prey for the temptations of peer pressures themselves. Talk with
your children about situations where you did not give in to peer pressure
as well as times you did. Make them aware of the consequences you may have
experienced as a result. Do not overwhelm them with strict expectations
and reassure them you will understand when they fail. This will not only
reinforce your bond, but will also help your child to feel more
comfortable coming to you with problems.
Remember that peer
pressure is not always a bad thing. This is where redirection comes into
play. Encourage your children to strengthen relationships that have a positive
effect on their lives. For example, your child may have friends that encourage
them to participate in school clubs or extracurricular activities. They may
have relationships with members of the church or community groups that offer
positive guidance and value-based outlets for your child. These are examples of
good peer pressure.
It is important that you
as a dad understand that in its basic form, peer pressure teaches what is and
is not socially acceptable. When it encourages your child in a positive
direction, it can actually be a good thing. Moreover, even when it is not,
overcoming negative peer pressure helps your child to develop a keen sense of
inner strength that will help them to overcome many challenges throughout their
life. Additionally, a solid relationship with trust and understanding between
you and your child can go a long way towards helping them deal with the
emotions of peer pressure.
