Submitted by tony on March 27, 2008 - 9:07am.
Brothers and sisters are bound to fight. If
you have any siblings, this is already apparent. You remember Indian burns,
noogies, wedgies, swirlies, purple nurples, wet willies and Charlie horses,
right?
When you were a sibling, these battles were
part of life, just something you had to put up with because your brother was a
butthead or your sister was a skeezer. As a parent, however, this type of
infighting takes on a whole new persona. Constant bickering between your kids
creates an air of stress and anxiety in your household, and it's far too easy
to throw your hands in the air and give up.
It can also be hard on a parent when they
believe they've somehow failed their children.
You're supposed to be raising two people that love each other, but there
are times where it seems like you're raising two mortal enemies. Sibling conflict
is inevitable, and while it may seem like it's tearing your kids apart, it's
actually healthy. These seemingly endless battles are your children's first
experiences with conflict resolution, and the skills they learn in these
situations they'll carry into their adult lives.
Help them get through the process quickly
and painlessly (for them as well as you) using these tips:
- Eliminate the source of the conflict
- More often than not, the battles between your kids will revolve around
material possessions. She has something he wants, or he took something away
from her, etc. The first step to defuse this situation is to eliminate the
source. Take away the item, removing it from their sight entirely, before you
begin the peace negotiations process.
- Send them outside - When
the battles between your kids start getting more and more frequent, take
another approach. As soon as one starts brewing, send them outside. You'll be surprised
how quickly their attitudes change when they know they'll get kicked out of the
house for causing a ruckus.
- Be a moderator
- Sometimes kids have real issues with each other. Maybe your older boy is
exceedingly cruel to his younger sibling for no apparent reason. Maybe they're
having a boundary dispute that is not just going to work itself out. If this is
the case, sit the two down and begin the negotiations process. This is the
point where you teach
them how to resolve conflict in a healthy manner. Be a moderator, and do
not allow them to insult each other or get angry.
- Set a good example - Kids
take cues from their parents. If you and your wife handle disputes by yelling,
name-calling or being physically abusive, your kids are going to pick up on
that. Remember, as far as your kids know, the way you handle things is the way everyone handles things. They'll think
it's totally normal to throw things at the person they're angry with, and by
the time they find out otherwise it will be too late. Set a good example by
dealing with spousal conflict in a healthy manner.
- Let them beat each other senseless
- If all else fails, many child-development
experts say letting the kids handle it themselves is the best method. They
maintain that children often fight for the benefit of the parents, and when you
get involved and break it apart you're doing exactly what they want you to do.
If nothing else, it will get them out of your hair for a while - long enough
for you to regroup and decide what to do.
Sibling rivalry can be exasperating, but
it's a means to an end. Learning how to deal with
conflict in a healthy manner now will keep your boys out of bar fights
later in life. It may seem endless, but stick to your guns - you're raising
better kids.