Submitted by tony on March 23, 2008 - 3:50pm.
Today's the day. The doctor has signed the
release form, your wife is in the wheelchair, and you've got your brand new
baby in the crook of your arm. You're taking your family home. Let the fun begin.
For new parents, your baby's first year is the most earth-shattering, mind-blowing
time of your lives. Where once there was only the two of you, there now exists
a family of three: two adults who can fend for themselves, and a strange, pink
ball that is utterly, utterly helpless without its parents. For the next 12
months you have to feed it, wash it, change it, clean it, feed it again, change
it again, put it to bed, wake up with it ... you've essentially given over your
life to this brand new creature. And for every beautiful, heart-achingly sweet
moment, there will be 100 deliberate tests of your strength and patience.
It's an amazingly difficult life change, and many secure and strong couples
have buckled under the pressure of the sudden shift. Most times this happens
because of an unequal balance in the relationship. Having a child has a way of
bringing out the true nature of a person's character when it comes to
responsibility.
As the father, now is your time to shine. Your wife has been hoarding that baby
for nine months, and now you finally have a chance to take over responsibility.
While she recovers from the pregnancy (which will take at least six weeks),
it's also time for you to become a supportive husband and father. Your wife's
body has undergone a very traumatic event, and for the next year all of her
biological cycles are going to be slowly falling back into place. This will
leave her at times moody, unpredictable, elated, stressed out, tired, erratic
-- essentially, all the best things about a period.
If your relationship is to survive this new, stressful period in your lives,
you're going to have to learn how to be a supportive man for your wife. While
there are hundreds of ways that you can show your wife support, here are some
helpful places to start.
- Get ready for Daddy Duty -- If you're the primary breadwinner, you're
going to be out of the house eight hours a day. That's eight hours that your
wife will be at home taking care of your baby. Don't fool yourself into
thinking she's got it easy, either -- that's easily more than a full-time job.
She's going to be so desperate for you to get home that you'll have the baby in
your arms before you can shut the door. Do not under any circumstances complain
about having to watch your child. It is unfair and self-centered to assume that
you deserve time off because you bring home the paycheck. No matter what you do
while you're away from the home, you should always, always share parental
duties. That means you're going to be on the clock when you're home almost
exclusively. Deal with it; you had a baby.
-
Don't let sleep ruin your relationship -- You have a child now, so it's
best to just acknowledge the fact right now: you're never going to sleep the
same way again. Relationships can easily begin to unravel, though, when one of
you refuses to get out of bed when it's their turn. No matter how much you love
sleeping in, don't make it a habit of sleeping more than your wife does. Going
to bed together and getting up together will prevent either of you from forming
resentments over unfair sleep time.
- Make her feel sexy again -- Your wife's body has changed
significantly, and lots of previously fit women have come out of the back end
of a pregnancy looking a lot different than they used to. As a supportive
husband, however, you have to make sure your wife continues to feel as sexy as
you know she is. She just gave birth to your child; she deserves it. Don't ever
hesitate to compliment her on how good she looks. If you can't say it in all
honesty, pick out a feature that you love and dote upon it. Make her feel like
you still want her, because one of a woman's greatest fears is that you'll stop
seeing
her as a beautiful woman and start seeing her as a haggard old mother.
- Show her you appreciate her every day -- Being a mom can be a very
thankless job, so it's essential that you show your wife constantly how much
you appreciate her. Bringing home random
gifts and thoughtful
tokens for your wife is a perfect way to show her how you feel. Another
good idea is to hide notes with little love messages all over the house. Let
her find them on her own time. Believe me, when she finds a note in the toe of
her shoe telling her how sexy she is, she'll fall apart.
- Date night -- You cannot forget date night. You should have one
scheduled date night at least every month, if not every week. Find a baby
sitter, pay her whatever you need to and get your wife out of the house. You'll
probably spend the entire night talking about the baby, but it'll do you both
good to get out and relax, if only for an hour or two.
This is a beautiful time in you lives, but
it is also a tremendously trying one. As long as you remain as supportive as
you can, though, you can make sure that you and your wife are together for many
years -- and many children -- to come.