Send to Friend

We all face problems of motivation - it's part of the human element. Honestly, who would choose to get up and start painting the garage when there's a 100 percent probability that you'll find a game on one of your ESPN channels? Why bother mowing the lawn when "Assassin's Creed" is calling your name?

Our kids face the same issues everyday. And we may get angry and punish them for it, mostly because it's hard for us to understand the "motivation" behind their lack of motivation. When they shirk their responsibilities, we see them as shiftless layabouts who are ignoring the iron will of their parents. When we shirk our own, however, we see it as justified. We've put in our time, we've worked ourselves to the bone, and we've sacrificed our lives for our children. We deserve some R&R.

The inherent error in our logic is that both we and our kids are unmotivated for the same reason: because we'd rather do something fun than do something dreary, boring and meaningless. Although you would argue how "meaningless" homework is, our kids often see it that way. Surely you've heard this around the house: "When am I ever going to need to know this? Where in the real world will anyone ask me to solve something for X?"

Unmotivated children are almost always making that simple choice, whether they're pre-kindergarten, grade-school or high-school level. Five-year-olds who stop following your rules are choosing to ignore something boring (like eating their peas) and do something fun (flush towels down the toilet). Nine-year-olds who would rather watch TV than read a book are making the same choice.

Depending upon your child and the task at hand, there are ways to keep them motivated. Here are a few suggestions:

1. Don't be reluctant to punish - Punishment is one of the oldest motivators in the history of mankind. People didn't take part in treason against ancient kings because they feared being beheaded. Christians don't break the 10 Commandments for fear of everlasting damnation. These might be extreme examples, but they illustrate the point; your kids will only fall in line and do the things they don't want to do if they fear recrimination. The bigger they are, the bigger the punishments should be. A three-year-old should get a 3 minute time out, while an 8-year-old should probably have his privileges revoked. Don't spare the rod, so to speak.
   
   
2. But don't be reluctant to reward, either - A positive consequence can be just as helpful in motivating your child as a negative one. If you want him to pick up his toys or perform some other mundane, daily task around the house, you shouldn't have to reward his effort. This is just a regular chore that everyone has to do, and he shouldn't get paid for it. On the other hand, if you ask your child to perform tasks they're not familiar with, like picking up sticks in the yard or deep cleaning during the spring, you should be prepared to compensate them.
   
   
3. Gently encourage them through similarity - If you're trying to get your child to try something new that he's not really that excited about - like reading, eating new food or wearing new clothes - encourage him through comparison. Show him how the new thing is just like some other thing that they're familiar with. For instance, if they won't try a new dish, tell them what's in it, and explain how those ingredients are also in some of the dishes they love. If they won't take to reading, get them a book based on a movie they know by heart. Jump start them through gentle prodding and parental intellect.

Kids need parents in their lives for many reasons, and providing motivation is certainly one of the big ones. The rules you set now, and the ways you help your child motivate himself, will create a foundation he'll build on for the rest of his life. Keep after it - motivate him enough and he'll get rich. When that happens, you can retire early.