Submitted by tony on March 23, 2008 - 3:43pm.
If your kids are like most,
they're probably really, really good at three things: getting into stuff
they're not supposed to be in; completely destroying every valuable item you
own; and absolutely ignoring everything you say.
Their ability to specifically
tune out the sound of their parents' voices is at once eerie and
mind-bogglingly frustrating. Toss out a couple of choice phrases when your team
is down in the fourth quarter, and your kids will remember it forever. Try and
tell them something important, however, and it's like talking to a square of Jello -- they jiggle a lot, but
nothing's really going on upstairs.
You'll probably both call out
your kid's name at least three times before you get even a half-turn of
acknowledgement, and undivided attention won't come until someone gets mad.
This is one of the main concerns that parents of poor listeners have -- that
when the TV comes on, their ears shut off. For some reason, kids are remarkably
adept at losing themselves in the moment and tuning out the rest of the world.
Half the time, your kid probably
is so engrossed that he's literally not hearing you. The other half the time,
though, it's not that she can't hear you; it's that she's actively not
listening, or listening but not acknowledging that you're speaking. This last
one can be particularly frustrating, and once you catch them in the act your
patience for their "selective hearing" will become paper thin.
Kids are bound to tune you out
once in a while. Getting angry at the situation isn't necessarily going to
correct the problem, though. Kids ignore their parents for a number of reasons,
and for the most part negative reactions from you aren't going to improve the situation.
Below is a list of the top
reasons kids don't listen, and what you can do to correct them.
- They're enthralled with something else - Let's face it: they're kids.
Kids love to play, have fun, make a mess; they generally love to do anything
that gets them active and lets them tear stuff up. But trying to talk seriously
with your child during their play time isn't going to get you very far. They
have one-track minds, and seriousness takes a back seat to fun. Don't try
talking over their favorite TV show, and don't try to teach life lessons during
Play-Doh time. Instead, wait to instruct when you can get their full attention.
- You're being negative - If you're angry, frustrated, moody or combative, your child
isn't going to be very receptive to you. Remember, they have a choice; they can
listen or not listen. If they think they're in trouble or that you're going to
attack them verbally, they'll probably be too concerned with their own hurt
feelings to really pay attention. Try to be positive at all times, even when
things are at their worst.
- They're feeling stressed - Lots of things can cause your little one stress.
Change is the most common form of stress for kids, and when their world starts
becoming chaotic, they may start acting out against it. Deaths, a family move,
a new sibling, divorce, health issues - all of these things can change a
child's world, and any change in the eyes of a child is a bad thing. Try to be
understanding of their situation, and let them know that you want to make it
better. Don't overstress them by piling your own bad feelings on top of theirs.
- They have a hearing problem - It may sound like a joke, but you never know
what can happen. Kids in this age group (3-9) are growing, changing and honing
their abilities. You may not notice that their hearing isn't up to snuff, and
they have no standard by which to measure it. Most public schools perform
regularly scheduled hearing tests, but if you're unsure, make an appointment
with their doctor. If nothing else, you'll be able to rule this one out.Kids are self-motivated and
self-centered little creatures, and it's easy to get frustrated at that -
especially since you're the one who's trying to teach them to be polite,
upstanding adults. Constantly casting about negative criticism of them,
however, will only make the situation worse. By communicating with her and
addressing the problem - and not the child - you can work together to stop the
cycle of apathy.
Kids are self-motivated and
self-centered little creatures, and it's easy to get frustrated at that -
especially since you're the one who's trying to teach them to be polite,
upstanding adults. Constantly casting about negative criticism of them,
however, will only make the situation worse. By communicating with her and
addressing the problem - and not the child - you can work together to stop the
cycle of apathy.