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How to Decide if One of You Should Stay Home with the Kids

tony's picture

In today's society of day care horror stories, school shootings and overall uncertainty about child caregivers, more parents are trying to make the decision if they should stay home with their children. Options like homeschooling and private tutors offer this possibility, but parents also have to decide if they can do that and still pay all the bills on just one income. For some parents, this can be one of the most difficult decisions they'll ever need to make. Fortunately, there are some things you can consider to help you make this decision as a team. Take the following suggestions to heart and have a serious discussion with your wife about this as soon as the need arises.

  1. Evaluate your finances. The decision to stay home or not will likely boil down to your budget and finances. Can your family afford to live on just one income? Can you move into a smaller home with smaller mortgage payments and other related costs? Some families have learned that one parent staying home with the children instead of going to work each day provides benefits that far outweigh the negatives of living on one income, even if that means major life changes at first. If you have any doubts about your ability to pay the bills, though, use this calculator to realistically evaluate your income compared to your monthly expenses.

  2. Look into the possibility of working from home. More and more companies are allowing their employees to work at home for a variety of reasons. For one, it saves the company on overhead costs. Some companies might even allow a few of their employees to become independent contractors because of the tax benefits. If your company won't allow you to work at home, consider starting a small business that you can do from home that won't take up too much of your time. Many great small businesses have started because a parent decided to stay home with the children and needed to make a modest income each month to make ends meet.

  3. Consider different shifts. You might not be able to realistically live on a single paycheck each week, but you also have a strong desire to stay home with your children. If that's the case, see if your company has nighttime shifts available. You might have to do something drastic like switch jobs. But this should all be discussed between you and your wife before making the final decision.

  4. Make a written list of the pros and cons. Written lists are ideal because they give you a tangible way to look at the information and compare it. Remember to include any doubts you might have about the finances and any other concerns either of you have about daycare centers, babysitters and the like.

  5. Determine if either of you is mentally ready. If you've both been career-minded for a long time, it might be difficult making such a huge change in your life. For some parents who have decided to stay home, they get depressed and start having feelings of inadequacy. Some also feel isolated because they no longer have access to other adults and the outside world like they once had. Be sure to consider this when making your decision. You might even want to consider a part-time job so you are still "out there" with other adults while still being staying home with your children the majority of the day.

  6. 6. Keep the future in mind. Are you planning on simply staying home with the kids until they go to school full-time? Or do you want to home school your children? Will your job take you back if you want to go back to work in a few years? Or will you be able to find another job in that industry if you decide to go back to work? Deciding if you should stay home with your kids will not only affect the present, but also the future. Consider that when discussing your options.

  7. 7. Reap the rewards. Staying home with your children is such a rewarding experience. They grow up so fast. Having one parent stay home to help them develop not only benefits the child, but it also benefits the parents. Instead of dwelling only on finances and the negatives of staying home, look at how this decision positively affects the entire family. The time you spend during these years is simply irreplaceable.

When both parents have a career, it's never easy to decide if one of you should stay home with the children or not. It can be even more difficult deciding which parent should stay home and which one should continue working. But once the decision is made, making some major and minor changes in your lifestyle can help make the transition as smooth as it can be.

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