Savvy Daddy Blog

by Tony Chen

Okay, guys, I’ve got to admit that I used to be pretty down on libraries.   This is what I pictured:  little old ladies punching out library cards, smelly, obscure books no one really read, and worn-out beanbag chairs that had lost a few too many beans.  And being an internet surfing addict & a bookstore/café regular, I thought, who needs a library?  

Today’s libraries are really different than from what I remember.  They’re on twitter. They’re running cool programs and partnering with local businesses & cultural institutions.  They’re doing stuff for autistic kids.   They’ve got online book reservations and local neighborhood pick-up/drop-off.  One library I talked to is even letting members borrow fishing poles.

If you haven’t been to your local library in a while, now might be the time to do so. Summer reading programs and prizes are everywhere.  I talked to 2 people in the library business: Eric Robbins, Assistant Director of Northbrook Library in suburban Chicago (where you might find us on a Wednesday afternoon), and Ruth Lednicer, Director of Marketing of the Chicago Public Library.  What should we dads know about libraries?

1. Libraries are filled with passionate staff:  Lots of the staff are passionate, helpful, and knowledgeable (one of my favorite combos!) to help answer your questions.  In fact, when I contacted my local library wanting to interview them for this article? Their response was, “send me your questions – answering them is our business!”  They pride themselves in being trusted to find what you need.
   
   
2. Libraries have a lot of data that others don’t:  Libraries have access to proprietary databases and other resources that would be too expensive for me or you to purchase on our own. Much of the best of the Internet is information that can only be accessed through subscription databases that libraries purchase on our behalf. The same is true of book collections: free access to hundreds of thousands of works locally, and if they don't have it, they'll probably be able to get it through interlibrary loan.
   
   
3. The Internet has actually made libraries more relevant. Maybe this one’s counterintuitive, but stay with me.  Libraries are training people to be more discerning information consumers. There is a lot of good information that can now be found very easily online.  Libraries educate people to filter the junk from the nuggets. Robbins of Northbrook Library said so succinctly, “We teach people to use the technology that we've been told is going to replace us, but they keep coming back, year after year with more questions.”   In fact, the Chicago Public Library provided 3.8 million free, 1-hour Internet sessions to the people of Chicago in 2009.  What’s often ignored is the growing digital divide in the U.S. – one of the key ways to bridge it consistently is through public libraries. Check this: ~60% of the individuals who use public computers at Chicago’s libraries are searching for and applying for jobs. 
   
   
4. Try it before you buy it, baby.  Hey we’re paying the taxes, might as well use it, right? As the economy has tightened, many libraries have noticed a definite increase in the number of people coming to get that new bestseller, rather than buy it at $25-30.  The Library offers a great opportunity to “try it before you buy it” on books you may want to own eventually (cookbooks are a great example).
   
   
5. Libraries aren’t really about books at all.  What we often forget is that libraries often have movies, audiobooks, sheet music, and video games.  It’s never actually been about books as it has been about information. 

14 Things Dads Can Do With Their Kids at the Library

1. Look for DVDs, videogames, books, and manga with them
2. Attend a family-friendly movie or other children’s programs
3. Join the summer or winter reading clubs – lots of times there are neat prizes when for kids who read throughout the season. Ironically, the toy my 4yo loves the most right now is not the $50 customized car (yeah, I know) we bought him during our trip to Disney. It’s the free beach ball we got from our local library after reading 4 books.
4. Come to a storytime
5. Work on homework together using their many databases
6. Look at the art exhibitions and talk about the pictures
7. Attend one of the weekend activities sponsored by the local YMCA or other community organizations
8. Participate in the Detective club or Newbury Club
9. Come in for Bedtime stories
10. Check out fishing poles (yup – at 9 locations at the Chicago Public Library locations near public parks)
11. Play computer games
12. Make up a knowledge search game where kids race to find the answer to 10 questions.  Sort of a scavenger hunt for information.
13. Check out the library for exclusive deals they may have with local cultural institutions.  For example, the Chicago Public Library also has a limited number of passes for the great museums around in the city.
14. Oh, almost forgot! Read with them! Studies have shown that children who were read to for 20 minutes each day, starting from birth, start school able to read and ready to learn.
15. What other things can you think of?  Comment below.

Here’s one story about libraries & families that’s worth sharing again:  A few years ago, a family decided to show their two sons all of Chicago’s neighborhoods by visiting the library branch in each and then eating lunch in that neighborhood.  It took them more than a year to do so (74 locations), but they succeeded.

What's the coolest thing you've seen happen at your library?

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Other Resources:

Chicago Public Library’s Blog for Small Business Owners

Chicago Public Library: Resources for Parents

by Tony Chen

“My dad never gave me an allowance because it looked too much like a government hand-out.” – Rand Paul

“How much money do we have, dada? hundred thousand hundred forty-five?” –Meme, my son, just turned 4

With everything that’s going on with the economy, this is a great time to get smart about teaching our kids about money.  Here are some tips that I gleaned from a great interview with Money and Kids Expert Susan Beacham of Money Savvy Generation.  Her mission in life is to educate our next generation on how to be smart with money.

1. For younger kids, make money concrete.  Money is an abstract concept for younger kids, so the more we can make it about something they can see and touch, the better.   One good way is to use a Money Savvy Pig, a 4-chamber piggy bank that gives kids the choice to save, donate, invest, and spend.  They can see the coins accumulate in there and they start to understand what “savings” actually means.  Even if you don’t use the Money Savvy Pig, use a piggy bank that’s transparent, so kids can see the coins accumulate.  Otherwise, in their minds, money that’s dropped in is just going into a black hole.  It’s basically just a toy to them.
   
   
2. Read to them a lot.  Here’s a great list of books put together by Beacham organized by age.  Even for traveling dads, you can read with your kids over the phone.  The power of listening to your kids when they first learn how to read – this is teaching them the value of both reading and financial literacy.
   
   
3. Give them an allowance with a contract.  Dads, an allowance is one of the best ways to teach kids about budgeting and financial choices.  Instead of making it play-money, make it a transfer of responsibility to managing certain expenses.  Beacham told me about her daughter’s allowance contract (here’s a sample contract).  With her allowance, she was responsible for buying 3 things: lunch for school, toiletries, and clothing.  Buy the $25 or the $1.25 bottle of hair gel?  Get those vintage jeans from the retailer or from a resale?  Buy lunch at school or make it at home?  Budgeting 101. When they’ve got skin in the game, they become more savvy consumers.  And for boys, it’s a miracle!  They even take better care of the things they buy with “their” money.
   
   
4. Don’t break your money promises.  Beacham has traveled the country talking to kids about money, and she’s amazed at how many middle school students know exactly how much their parents “owe” them on allowance.  Unfortunately, this actions-speak-louder-than-words situation is teaching that money promises are okay to break.  So, if you’re late on allowance, pay them interest!  I know that sounds crazy, but what a lesson to respect the value of money.
   
   
5. Help them set some goals.  As they start to save, you can start helping them set some goals.  I know my son wants his first set of real Legos.  This starts them thinking about longer-term planning and (the horror!) delayed gratification.  You can match certain funds, too, along the way.
   
   
6. Get their skin in the game, too.  Kids don’t care if things break if they know we’ll just get them another one.  Or often, they don’t appreciate the things they have if it’s just handed to them.  One of Beacham’s daughters had taken a few years of tennis lessons (which can get expensive!).  One year, Beacham asked her if she still wanted the lessons.  If she did, she’d have to pay for a portion of them.  After some thought, her daughter decided not to proceed.  Beacham would have never known where her daughter really stood with tennis without that conversation.
   
   
7. Give them the grocery store lesson.  How many times do you take your kids to the store?  Make their trip about more than riding in a plastic car-cart or finagling some gum from you at the check-out line.  Yup, running errands is about as much fun as answering the “does this make me look fat?” question, but these trips are great teaching moments.  Introduce your kids to the price tags hanging right next to everything in the store. Get them to help you find a better deal on the $/ounce.  Explain why we buy certain things in bulk from Costco and other things at the grocery store.
   
   
8. Take the time to verbalize your financial decisions.  The grocery store is just one venue, but our entire life as a consumer can be opened up to our kids in an age-appropriate way.  Explain why you’re shopping at Best Buy for a TV, but double-checking the price online.  Explain why Michigan cherries in Illinois are so cheap in July, but why we probably won’t buy the more expensive, less sweet cherries in February. Next time you go to Jiffy Lube with your child, explain to them that going to there is probably 50% cheaper than the dealer, but comparable in quality. These are decisions we are making all the time – take the extra minutes to explain it to them as you’re doing it.  They’re soaking it in much more than we think.
   
   
9. When tough times hit, talk about it.  Don’t go silent and think you’re “protecting” them.  When bad times hit, they pick up the change, get anxious, and if not addressed, will act out.  If you’ve lost a job (mine disappeared a year ago), man up and tell them. Tell them that we’re going to have to tighten our belts for a while.  Maybe they’ll ask “will we have food?”  “Yes, we’ll have food, but we won’t be able to go out to eat as much.  How else do you think we could save some money?”  Lots of kids really just want to know how all these adult-sounding changes are impacting their world – what will happen to my room, my friends, and my pet? 

 Studies show that basically our children’s financial mindset is set by the age of 13.  So, it’s just like investing – start early and grow slowly.  A minute here at the grocery store, a minute there at Best Buy, a minute at home talking about their piggy bank – slowly but surely these investments in time and attention add up and multiple on themselves.

What are some of the best things you’ve done when it comes to money and kids?

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Other Resources:

Susan Beacham's Blog

by Tony Chen

A few people asked me the other day, "How do I become a savvy daddy?" and I said, "I think you are one already."  Not to put it so flippantly, but my take is if you want to be a better dad and are willing to do whatever it takes, you are already a savvy daddy.  It's not about how skilled or knowledgeable or patient we are today, it's more about having the humility to learn skills, knowledge, and patience for the rest of our lives.

I just wanted to say a word of thanks to all the savvy daddies out there who are a part of our Savvy Daddy community.  I've learned so much from you fellow dads -- mostly not to take myself too seriously and to enjoy the journey as much as possible.  Ain't being a dad awesome? 

Also, thanks also for the generosity of these companies below for offering up their goodies (almost $1,000 worth) for us dads during Father's "month".  Check out some of the great products that were won, which also makes a good list for gift ideas for dads and for our kids.

1. Construct-A-Buzz from LEGOS
2. Men's Comfort Pack from Dove Men+Care 
3. Handy Dad from Chronicle Books
4. $25 Gift Certificates from Saddleback Leather
5. One-Year Memberships from Stepping Stones Together
6. Photo Books from Shutterfly
7. Cool Sports Dad from Skyhorse Publishing
8. A Jar of hazelnut spread from Nutella
9. Green Toys Tool Set from greeno bambino
10. Heroes for My Son Book from Harper

Congrats to the dads who commented to posts during June and won prizes:  R. Julio Diaz, Peter McCormick, Kurt Packer, Aaron Sherwood, Steve Wen, Torrance Powell, Bill Klimczuk, Jamie Jones, Wesley Cameron, Clint Kelley, Jake Anderson, Matt Bristow, Mark Thrasher, Dee Belt, Todd Reed, Jacky Campbell, Marcus Brast, Tony Lee, Peter McCormick, Jeff Low, Jason Guthaus, Matt Napierkowski, Evan Sasson, Steve Hewitt, Matthew Breddan, Dan Schweinhart, Ari Flemenbaum, Brain Harville, Barry Evans, Troy Mackey, Shaun Reilly, Eric Cotts, Jeffrey Hamadyk Sr, Rich Coia, and Gerald Laming.

Recently, I’ve been hearing more and more of these horror stories about 5-yo kids with 7 cavities having to go through all these painful operations.  Oh man, if I get weak at the knees, I can’t imagine what it would do to my shy little 4-year old. 

Plus, I was that kid who in 5^th grade had the full-on headgear.  If you just painted my school’s mascot on my head, you would’ve mistaken me for a cornerback (well, a puny, 90-pounder cornerback).  Needless to say, I made lots of visits to my dentist. 

The main thing that I’ve learned about the dentist recently is that it can be a good experience, if we parents just get out of the way.  I asked our family dentist, Dr. Jane Maa of Savin Dental Associates, about her perspective on the care of our kids’ teeth.  I opted to include as much detail as possible here since this can get people pretty anxious.

How to Choose a Good Dentist For Your Kids

There’s really no great way to find a good dentist.  Even Dr. Maa admitted as much.  Nonetheless, Dr. Maa suggests the following:

• If you like your own dentist, you can ask if they take kids, and if so, starting at what age.  Most general dentists do see kids.
• You can look at directories and customer reviews (e.g. yelp.com, American Dental Association), but the best place is to start is your friends. Word-of-mouth is the best way to go.
• Pediatric dentists are typically really good – everything is set up for the kids. The chairs are smaller, the rooms are brighter, and you’ll have confidence that they know how to handle kids, even the junior monsters.  Just remember, that they are considered specialists and are usually more expensive.

How to Prepare Your Kid for Their Dentist Appointment

• Talk about the experience in a positive light.  “You’re so lucky to be going to the dental office. Only big boys and girls get to go.  Everyone at Dr. Savin’s office is so nice, and they’re all looking forward to meeting you.”  Talk about how going to the dentist makes our teeth shiny, healthy, and strong so we can eat well.  Maybe you’ll get a prize, and you’ll always get a new toothbrush. 
• Don’t talk about negative experiences.  Obviously don’t tell your kids your old horror stories (“and then my blood spurted right onto his glasses!”)  And explain to the older siblings not to do so either (“oh Johnny, the dentist is like that kid Sid in Toy Story!”).  Don’t use these words: afraid, hurt, pain, shots, bleeding.
• Read some books to them.  Some good ones:  Dora Goes to the Dentist, Berenstein Bears Visit the Dentist, and Going to the Dentist.  Don’t say “see, it’s not scary!” but instead say, “now that you're a big boy, you'll be able to visit the dentist like Dora, are you excited?!"   For slightly older kids, there are some interactive games at the American Dental Association.

How to Have a Good Visit to the Dentist

• When you get your child’s appointment at the office, ask the receptionist for the name of the hygienist.  Talk to your child about the hygienist ahead of time, using her name, the way you would talk to a friend.
• Believe it or not, kids do better without their parents in the treatment room.  The dentist has to establish a relationship of trust.  Staying in the room may cause your child to want sympathy and/or act up.  Some parents play into it and make the whole visit more difficult.  If you do stay in the room, simply tell your child firmly to pay attention to Dr. Maa and don’t say too much else so the child can be focused on the dentist.
• Don’t over-coddle your kids at the dentist.  Usually, the reason why kids misbehave at the dentist is because of their parents overprotecting them.  Or the kid will get a bad vibe from their parents.  Or sometimes, some parents threaten their kid to behave well OR parents who bribe them too much.  This creates a situation where the kid is bargaining with their parents through their fussing.  Just be firm and re-assuring, and let the dentists do their thing.

What to Expect When Your Kid’s in the Chair

I asked Dr. Maa for the “inside scoop” for how they work with kids at their office.  Here’s a little bit what she said:

“Younger kids that can't sit in the chair on their own (usually the first visit is between 1-2 years old) would require the parents to be in the room and even for the kid to sit on their lap.  Kids that are 3-4 yr usually can sit in the chair on their own so it's not crucial that the parents are in the room. The kids feel confident because they accomplished something on their own.

Normally, if parents want to be in the room, it's okay and we allow that.  Nonetheless, we like to have full attention of the kid so we can reassure them and help them have a good experience. If the parents are there smothering over the kid, it introduces bad habits for future visits. So, to be honest, it’s the parents who have to behave =)

Normally we follow the pattern: tell-show-do. We don't introduce anything in the mouth until we show them outside of the mouth first.  Then with kid's agreement, we use the instrument in their mouth. Usually that prevents any fearful events from occurring.

As for cleaning, if the patient starts crying, we stop what we're doing. Looking at the kid in the eye, using calm and firm voice to find out why they are crying and reassure them.  Cleaning appointment is usually the first step to build our relationship with the kid.  We talk things thru to gain their trust, individualize our procedures, and focus less on doing everything by the book .

If it's a filling appointment, again we simply tell them what we're going to do before we start. We DON"T tell them we're going to drill their teeth, we'll going to give them a shot.   Parents should also avoid those terms and try not to explain too much about filling procedures to their kids prior to their appointment.  We tell them we're going to clean out the buggies, there is a lot of water spraying and vibration.  Just like when they are scrubbing their body to clean them, we're scrubbing the tooth to clean them. We tell them we put the teeth to sleep so we can clean them well. We tell them that they are in control.  If they listen and follow our instructions well, they will not feel anything.  If there is too much water or if they need a break, they can raise their right hand and we’ll stop right away.  We teach them relaxation techniques and use nitrous oxide to help. 80-90 percent of kids don't need Novocain for filling; they do well as long as they have nitrous oxide.  They usually say they just feel a tickle on the teeth when we drill them.  If they do need Novocain, nitrous oxide is administered first so they feel less.  We do warn them they may feel a tiny pinch.  85 percent of the patients say they don’t even feel the pinch.  And as long as we have the TV on, it is a great distraction tool. 

Again, we use firm and calming voice to explain and reassure them throughout the appointment.  If the child does cry and we can't calm them down, sometimes we will use parents as leverage: “If you calm down and don't cry, I can have mommy or daddy sit in the room with you. They will sit in that stool and be in the room with you.”

Make sure your dentist goes over the recommended treatment before starting the treatment. If you are really unsure about whether a treatment is necessary, go get a 2^nd opinion.

How to Help Your Kid Avoid Those Cavities

While there are many reasons for cavity city to happen in your kids’ mouth (diet, genetics, oral hygiene), the #1 culprit is bad habits.  So, the key here is to start forming good habits from a very early age. 

• Don’t let your child go to sleep with bottle filled with juice (or anything other than water)
• At 5 years old, parents should take responsibility to make sure their kid brushes.  And if they eat anything afterwards, they have to brush again.  Flossing is also important – those back teeth start to grow really close together, so those cavities sneak up between the teeth very often.
• Don’t just be satisfied if your kid brushed. Check them out, too.
• Ask the dentist after each check-up where they saw the most plague build-up – chances are, these are the spots that are not getting brushed as well.

Thanks to Dr. Jane Maa of Savin Dental Associates for providing such great and detailed information.  Good luck out there, and remember to floss!

Other Resources

American Academy of Pediatric Dentistry: Parents Resource Page

Tips on Snacking

Dental Care for Babies

Having regular check up is the best for you child

American Dental Association