Kids in the House!!

They moved in last April. The plan was to start to build their new house in May with a completion date of September . . . at the latest. Now, we had just moved to a new house, a two story, three bedroom house. The idea behind this move was to ensure that the munchkins would never be more than two minutes away. This house was not exactly equipped to hold two complete households.

It had another interesting feature, wind. It was located on top of the highest point of this part of the earth. You've seen the brake test trucks driving down Route 30 with smoke pouring off the newly tested brakes? Well, I keep waiting for Ford to bring new cars to our driveway to run wind tunnel tests. You know, to see if the mirrors would fly off or if your groceries would be whipped from your arms and thrown into the snow fence a few feet away. In other words, it was already noisy.

They moved in with some stuff, too; toys, clothing, boots, a refrigerator, lawn mower, more toys, and food. Oh, and because he is in the Guard and she is a sales rep., we ended up with rooms and garage bays filled with sample boxes, back packs, and give away supplies.

Here's the picture. The young mother, father and six month old baby are in one room, the three year old is in the other bedroom and the grandparents are in the final room. Talk about a mind bend. All I could think about was those poor Russian families who lived in a one room apartment in Moscow with nine family members. It puts the whole vodka thing in prospective.

There was no den to hide in, no hidden room over the garage, no doors separating the first floor rooms. Once while watching HBO, alone, late at night, the three year old walked in just as a cowboy on Deadwood went into a rage. His nursery school teacher still marvels at his unique vocabulary as he describes the low down, dirty ^%^%$#$% who stole his %&$#$@ gold.

The little girl grew and grew and became more fun. The little boy went through the terrible threes, you know, mostly sweet and nice, but occasionally he becomes Damien for an hour or so.

So, what have I learned during this extended visit? (God love ‘em, cause they're still here.)

I've learned that the smell of one diaper can literally require a Hazmat team to put on their gear just to empty the garbage. I've never understood why bears ate diapers. Surely there had to be something more appealing in that mass of garbage.

I've learned that you can fit $340 in coins in one pair of adult size 9 ½ shoes.

I've learned that the amount of food that can be ground up in furniture, carpeting, and car upholstery is not equivalent to the size of the grinder. One 23 pound kid can crush more food than Gallagher during a watermelon smashing bit.

I've learned that whatever food is left anywhere, as soon as you eat it, a baby will cry somewhere in the house because YOU stole THEIR nourishment.

I've learned that necktie, seat cushions, and entire make-up kits will float in a toilet at high tide and that one roll of toilet paper can cover a 1200 square foot area.

The final thing I've learned is that for as loud, as crazy, as noisy, as dirty, and as bad as kids can be; they are still a lot better than adults.

My final thought? If your kids ask if they can move in with you until their house is built, say yes, but make sure there is at least one room that is covered in foam rubber and has a lock on the door because THEY will need a place to go to get away from YOU.