Raising Kids of Strong Character: Self-Confidence

We've all lived through the horror that was high school. We've experienced the acne, the showering in the locker room with the other guys, and getting rejected for dates by girls that we had the biggest crush on (well, not all of us have experienced that). All of that can wreak havoc on a guy's self-confidence, especially if he didn't have a very favorable image of himself to begin with. But now that you're a father, you can correct the self-image mistakes you made by instilling a sense of self-confidence into your children. With any luck, these suggestions will help you raise a highly confident young adult that succeeds in academics, social relationships and anything else that they try in life.

1. Start showing them love from the beginning. By the time an infant is 18 months old, they have a sense that they are a separate being and they have a separate identity from those around them. That's why it's so important to show them love and encouragement during their first few months of life. Be sure to praise their abilities and recognize their strengths so your expectations will fit their temperament.
   
   
2. Be sincere with your praise. Praising your child for the good things they do is a great way to instill a strong sense of self-confidence. But doing this too much could have the opposite effect. If you shout, "Good Job!" every time they tie their shoes, the praise is going to lose all of its meaning for them. One way to prevent the praise from losing meaning is to make it more specific to the task they completed. For instance, something like "You really helped daddy rake up those leaves this morning" is much more heartfelt and sincere than just saying, "Thanks for the help."
   
   
3. Teach children to be self-sufficient. The more responsibility you give children, the better they're going to feel about themselves. But be sure you give them tasks that they can do at their age. You can't give a four-year-old the task of washing the car and expect him to complete it. But you can expect them to get their own juice box out of the fridge or put their toys away each day when they're done with them. The less dependent they become on you, the more self-confidence they have. As a bonus, it makes your life easier, too.
   
   
4. Allow your child to fail. One of the hardest things a dad has to do is watch his young son or daughter take on a difficult task and fail at it. Their tears can melt your heart. But if they never fail, they never learn how to do things themselves. Riding a bike is a great example. The only way they'll learn to balance without the training wheels is to let them ride on their own and fall down a time or two. Of course, be sure they have on protective gear, including a helmet, knee pads and elbow pads. It might be painful to watch them fall a few times, but you're going to enjoy how excited they are when they finally learn to do it on their own.
   
   
5. Encourage your child to do new things. It's boring to succeed at the same thing every time. Think of yourself, for example. Driving a car has probably become like second nature to you. You've accomplished the task and now you accomplish it every day on the way to work and on the way home. But if you were to try driving a huge moving truck, that might be something different that you'd accomplish and feel good about it. Now transfer that to your child. After they've learned how to do a simple task, start increasing the difficulty incrementally. Choose slightly harder books to read or more difficult chores to do around the house and be sure to praise them each time they succeed at those tasks.
   
   
6. Place the focus on relationships instead of appearance. As children grow into adolescence, they tend to place a great deal of focus on their appearance. But oddly enough, no teenager on earth is comfortable with the way they look. That's why your adolescent will never gain self-confidence through their physical appearance as long as they're in high school and even a few years afterward. As they grow up, teach them to place their main focus on the relationships they have with others, such as you, their mom, other family members and friends. If they feel comfortable and secure in their relationships, they'll feel much better about themselves despite their appearance.
   
   
7. Express confidence yourself. Your children learn from what they see you do. So when you express lack of confidence when doing a task or with the way you look, they're likely to do the same. You might have a little work to do in that area before you can teach your child how to have self-confidence. Apply the previous steps to yourself and you can increase your own self-image, too.

Self-confidence is one of the cornerstones of success. Without it, you're afraid to try new things or put yourself "out there" to expand your abilities and skills. But confidence isn't necessarily something you're born with. That's why it's so important to know the techniques to teach your child the confidence they need to succeed in life. With these suggestions, your child can grow up to be a respectable and successful adult that you can be proud of.