Raising Kids of Strong Character: Compassion

How many times have you caught your child laughing or giggling at someone's misfortune? Does your child have a tendency to make fun of others who are fatter, skinnier, smarter, dumber or anything else that makes them different? Does your toddler think it's funny when they run up and punch you in the "boys" and then run away? If you've taken one too many hits to the groin, it might be time to start teaching them about compassion. "Compassion" refers to understanding and feeling empathetic when somebody else is in pain or hurting, either emotionally or physically. It also means that you don't do anything to hurt somebody. You can use these suggestions to help your child understand and practice the idea of compassion. Afterwards, you might even be able to throw your protective cup in the trash.

1. Express compassion from birth. The earlier you start showing caring and compassion to your infant, the better they'll learn the same traits as a toddler. Many fathers tend to have a problem showing compassion for their children. But when you hold that tiny infant in your arms each time, how can you help but care for that precious thing more than anything in the world? The more you do this during the infant years, the more likely you'll be to have the same feelings as they grow through those not-so-cute years. And when you express compassion to them as toddlers, they'll have a better understanding of how to express it to others.
   
   
2. Demonstrate compassion. How will your child know what compassion is or how to demonstrate it if they don't see you doing it? And you have to be genuine about it, too. Children can be quite astute when you're faking something. So making sure you have genuine compassion is important. This might even be something you'll need to work on yourself. But the best way to learn it is to teach it to someone else. Teaching compassion to your child can be a valuable learning experience for both of you.
   
   
3. Start with stuffed animals. Children are great at showing their feelings toward inanimate objects. That's why they tend to carry their favorite teddy bear or other stuffed animal with them wherever they go. If your child has a favorite stuffed animal that they like to hug and show their love to, encourage it. They'll eventually grow out of that phase and transfer those same feelings to you and others.
   
   
4. Get your child (and you) involved. The absolute best way to learn compassion is to volunteer. Few things are as humbling as serving lunch at a local homeless shelter on Thanksgiving or Christmas. But you don't need to start out with that. Encourage your child to collect money for a very worthy cause, give some of their toys to an orphanage or spend some time with the elderly at a nursing home. And while you're at it, do the same thing yourself. You'll be surprised how rewarded and fulfilled you'll feel afterwards. Your child will grow up with more compassion towards others, too.
   
   
5. Pray. If your family goes to church or practices a particular faith, praying for others is a great way to introduce compassion to your children. The very act of thinking about helping someone can make you feel humbled. Gather as a family each night and turn off any distractions. Try to make a list of people who have needs and pray for them instead of praying for that new sailboat to go on sale. Pray aloud and you'll get a sense of your child's level of compassion by hearing the things that they ask for. You might just be surprised at how unselfish they really are.
   
   
6. Explore other cultures. You might have complaints about the United States, but you can't deny that our children have it much better here than they do anywhere else. By watching videos and learning about Third World nations and other regions that don't have what we have, your children will feel compassionate towards them and they'll also feel lucky about the things they do have. They might even ask if they can help people in other countries by sending their toys or some food to them. If that happens, don't stifle them. Find age-appropriate ways that they can help and encourage them to do so.
   
   
7. Turn the channel. Today's children are inundated with killing, blood and overall meanness on television. Primetime shows are filled with forensic investigators studying the latest blue corpse and people beating on each other. And if there isn't any physical violence, people are mocking each other and doing their best to make others look bad. This is the farthest thing from compassion as you can get. But there are some very wholesome television programs on that are great for instilling a sense of compassion into your children. Make a conscious effort to find the TV shows where people are helping other people instead of ridiculing them. The same is true with video games. Get rid of the ones that focus on killing others, especially when your children are too young for that.

Small children have an inborn sense of compassion. Whether or not they express it correctly is up to you. As a father, children typically look to you for many of their traits and characteristics. The more compassion you show toward others, the more your child will show towards the people they encounter. Without the ability to feel or show compassion, your child could grow up to have severe problems in their social life and relationship skills for the rest of their life.