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What to do?
by Anthony Romanelli
"Got a few kids of my own
And some days I still dont know
What to do..."
--John Mellencamp, "Cherry Bomb"
As I listened to those lyrics from John Mellencamp, I
couldn't help but feel the exact same way... Though I only have two kids, there
are some days I don't know what to do.
Should I... play with my kids, grade papers, clean the
garage, have a beer, watch the Cubs game, write my blog, prepare lesson plans,
clean the dishes, take a deep breath, listen to my iPod, EXERCISE, check my
email, write more short stories (which may never get published), help my wife
with laundry, have a beer, figure out ways to save money, type a long list like
this, avoid the dentist, read more, read more, read more, shop (oops, sorry,
I'm a guy, I don't really shop), find another good cause to donate to, teach my
little girls how to dance (they're 2 ½ and 7 months) so that may be a bit
premature, figure out when I can retire, or listen to other ‘moving' lyrics?
What would YOU do?
Knowing the gigantic responsibility of parental ‘bliss,' I
find the balance and struggle of fatherhood, at times, monumentally
difficult. At times I am at such peace
watching my little girls sleep, while at other times I can barely stand the
screaming from both tiny she-devils that sit beneath their innocent little
fingers and toes.
While I know I should ‘breathe,' or walk away when my
daughters are ‘testing' me, it is so hard because I am not wired to let things
dissipate. This is the single greatest,
lifetime challenge which I have purposely involved myself in. While taking that ‘deep breath' and deciding
how to keep my sanity, I try and find lyrics that keep me calm...I tend to find
Bob Marley almost religiously---the lone song that pops in my head, "Three
Little Birds" because he says, "Every
little thing is gonna be alright." I try
to sing that in my head as opposed to ride that anger wave until my head
explodes.
Also, there is no way in the world I would trade being a
father---it might be the one thing I am best at---or at least provide the illusion
I am best at. Should I change their
diapers, hold them while they sleep, teach them to fly a kite, ride a bike, eat
the frosting BEFORE the cake, eat the cookie batter, laugh at good jokes, laugh
at bad jokes, respect their elders, plant a tree, hold their daddy's hand, make
mommy a card, make pictures from clouds, be confident and not cocky, take pride
in who they are, help others, teach them how to play an instrument, teach them
to ice skate, and most importantly...teach them how to throw a good curve ball...
"And some days I still don't know what to do..."
What would YOU do?
The one thing you must do...
I've never been big into the self help tapes, the parenting tapes and books, the whole pop psychology thing. Most of it seems to be the same message in different packaging, assembled far to often by someone without any actual life experience to lend credibility to the message.
Now this particular speaker doesn't really fall into the categories above, but might be assumed to as his stuff is packaged on CDs and in books ... a few months back I was listening to Matthew Kelly, having come to me on one of my CDs of the month I get from Lighthouse Catholic Media .. his message really hit home (and you don't even need a spiritual bent to "get it", Catholic or otherwise!).
Our kids need our attention .. sciguy75 put it so well - do things "with", not "for" your kids. Mr Kelly describes the notion of "carefree timelessness". I've always been pretty involved with my kids, generally participating directly in some volunteer capacity, but now with #6 at the year and a half mark and his little sister just a couple short months away, I think I'm starting to "really" get it. Nothing the little bugger likes more than to simply hold my hand and wander around the block like we've got absolutely nothing better or more important in the world to do .. carefree timelessness.
Thank you Matthew Kelly .. you taught an old dog a very good trick....
stay tuned in
I agree wholeheartedly with Tyler. As a teacher, I once heard a father admit that, after about an hour working on his laptop, he realized his daughter was not only next to him, but had fallen asleep on his feet. Sadly, I've experienced many parents, good intentioned parents, who do too many things for their kids but not with their kids.
When it gets down to it...
When it gets down to it does it really matter what our to-do list is when our kids are around? I look at my three year old and think of the times that he wanted to play but I shrugged him off so I could check my email. My email can always wait, my son won't!
Thanks for this post - we all need a reminder to focus on what's important.
www.tylermitchell.com
www.twitter.com/tylermitchell
You have to live like no one else.
You have a great list of to-do's
You have a great list of to-dos. When our kids would cry, I would teach them my dancing 'moves' and that would usually turn them around to laughing.
I also find that the kids usually decide what I should do for me. Which isn't so bad.
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