A break from the kids, please

by Phil Stott

It's funny, the range of emotions you can cycle through in a short time as a parent. This morning alone (and I'm writing this on my commute, meaning I've been awake a maximum of two hours at this point), I've gone from placid to frustrated to feeling overwhelmed with love, to being close to snapping point while trying to change a diaper, only to arrive back at placid again via my 16 month old's rendition of "Baa Baa Black Sheep." Such is life with a toddler.

Strange, too, are some of the things you never imagined you'd find yourself doing. Like having a battle of wills with an infant over a diaper change. Or spending time at work (at work! In a recession! If my boss is reading-it was a lunch break!) trawling the internet for tips on how to distract or placate your child when they're on the changing table (you might have picked up that that's an ongoing issue right now). Or talking endlessly about nothing but your kids-usually (in my case) only with my wife, but still not exactly something I'd have pictured myself doing.

It's this last point that's been concerning me most recently. There are times in my day-to-day life where it seems like the only things that my wife and I manage to do is go to work (something we're ever more thankful to be able to do as this year gets older), look after Maeve, and maybe cram in a little sleep here and there. There are, of course, other things that we find time for-Meghan's in grad school, for one thing-but lately it seems like there's less and less time for the two of us to just be together when we're not both worn out. And increasingly, it seems like when we are together, we spend the majority of our time talking about Maeve-not that there's anything wrong with that (especially if it saves us from talking about the economy), but it does feel at times like we're losing that sense of who we were.

Having met while teaching English overseas, Meghan and I traveled and taught together for a couple of years in Asia before making the decision to settle in the States and get married. Because of our background together, we were never short of a decent story or two in social situations about our travels, but as that period of our lives fades into the past, I'm finding that on the rare social occasion where I could reach for an anecdote, when I do I usually find myself holding back. The reason: I remember being at parties, childless, and listening to people telling stories about their kids and wishing they wouldn't. Now that I'm the guy with a kid, I'm conscious of wanting to not be that guy with the endless stories about kids. When I'm alone with my wife though-or even just calling from work (again, on a break, I swear!)-I find that we have a tendency to focus mainly on Maeve and what she's been up to. Which is great, but only up to a point. The pre-parent part of me that really enjoyed being able to sit down, have a meal and a bottle of wine and talk about anything and everything still exists, and there are times when I find it just bursting to get out.

The bottom line is that we've come up with what we hope is something of a solution: getting out more. To that end, for the first time ever-and apart from two hours with her grandparents last summer, I mean ever-we're leaving Maeve with a babysitter this weekend. I know, there's a recession on, and that we'd probably be better served putting the money away, but frankly there are some things that seem like they're worth splurging on. Strengthening my relationship with my wife (and therefore strengthening my family) seems like one of them. Not to mention feeling like we're stepping back in time, just a little: true to our latter-day form, we haven't decided where we're going yet, or even really what we're going to do, and have fallen immediately back into our old policy of just letting the night take us where it will. Well, with one exception; I know for sure that kid-talk is off the table!