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.: Preparing my two-year-old to be a big brother...
Submitted by weaver on July 24, 2008 - 5:37pm.
My wife and I just discovered that "we" are pregnant... and we are both elated. This will be our second child. Our eldest son just turned two on Monday (July 21st). Ryland is resilient and highly adaptive... but my wife and I want to begin preparing him to be a big brother in our conversations and our decisions. For those of you who have already braved this territory with an only child...
+ What do you recommend?
+ What do you NOT recommend?
+ What knowledge needs to be dropped on me about the next few months (and years)?
Thanks...
Re: .: Preparing my two-year-old to be a big brother...
I completely echo everything that has been said in previous posts. I just want to add one more note. After the new baby is born, I suggest that Dad and Big Brother spend 20-30 minutes of quality "Daddy-Son" playtime together BEFORE visiting Mommy and the baby. This will: (a) immediately assure your son that your relationship with him has not changed, and (b) give you an opportunity to explain what he is expected to see and who he is expected to meet when he visits Mom and baby. It really helped smooth the transition for my 2-year old son when he met his baby sister in the hospital.
Re: .: Preparing my two-year-old to be a big brother...
I agree with omega. Involve the your eldest son every step of the way. He'll be way more acceptable of the new child once he or she arrives. My oldest daughter used to "read" and sing to Mommy's tummy. It was her way of getting to know her little sister before she arrived. It'll be tough the first couple of weeks once the baby arrives. but your son will quickly adapt. If there is anything you want your son to do now before the baby comes, like give up a pacifier or be potty-trained, do it now. He'll see that you are preparing him to become a BIG boy and BIG brother. He'll feel special.
Re: .: Preparing my two-year-old to be a big brother...
One very practical thing I heard from our OB-GYN yesterday is to change up the bedtime routine. If the wife typically puts the toddler down to bed every night, it will be quite a change if all of the sudden, you're the new bedtime parent while your wife tends to the newborn. It's already enough of a change that the new baby's there, so at least the older child will have a consistent bedtime routine with you. Our Ob-Gyn said that this worked like a charm for them and in fact, it became fun dad-bonding time before bed every night.
Share the joy
My wife and I shared our excitement about having our second child with my first-born. We talked about how great is was going to be to have a baby in the house and as my wife's pregnancy progressed, we talked about how big the baby was now ("she's the size of a peanut now!", "she's the size of a lemon now!"). We avoided saying anything like "You might get jealous, but remember we still love you" because that would put into my first child's mind that there was a possibility that we might not love her or think she's great. Asking my first girl if she was excited about being a big sister helped too. The only problems we've had with jealousy have been around 18 months old when the little sister started being more assertive. But the first year and a half were a breeze. I think that demonstrating that you are happy and that this is a happy time for the family as a whole really brings out the best in the older sibling.
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