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Is your toddler better behaved when others are watching him?
Submitted by tony on September 8, 2008 - 10:14am.
My parents, my in-laws, my sisters-in-law, and a lot of folks who help us watch Meme tell us how obedient he is when we're not around. He listens. He does what he's told without being asked twice. He picks him his toys. He even picks up other kids toys. But the moment me or my wife show up, he gets whiny, demanding, and clingy? what's up with that? Why, oh, why, is this happening?
Re: Is your toddler better behaved when others are watching him?
My two year old does the exact same thing. At daycare he is the cutest thing ever and loves to pick up everything. Often times he will be picking up long after the other kids have lost interest. At home, he is Hurricane Haidan and couldn't be less interested in taking care of the disaster in his wake. My wife worries about how perfect our house must look way more than me, but we still both wonder what happened to the child that we picked up from daycare.
My grandparents tell me that my older brother & I were always so good and well behaved until my mom came. Then, it was a gloves off brawl.
Maybe this all has something to do with karma? It does keep our lives interesting, and I wouldn't trade it for anything.
Toby Ward
Daddy to Abrahm, 10 and Foster daddy to Haidan, 2 and Cameron, 5
Re: Is your toddler better behaved when others are watching him?
Hah, we mentioned this exact thing to our pediatrician recently at our 3 y/o's checkup as a response to her questions on general behavior. She just smiled and said, "Aren't they clever?" Methinks this is par for the course, and I'd honestly rather him on his best behavior with others than the opposite, or that free babysitting with grandma & grandpa might just get a little more scarce.
Re: Is your toddler better behaved when others are watching him?
Having been through this several times, I have two thoughts... a) yes, all three of my children are typically better behaved with others than they are with me and b) I consider this to a great extent to be a sign of good parenting!
Children who behave this way have clearly acquired an understanding of the difference between "right" behavior and "wrong" and can apply this understanding with people to whom they feel they have to prove themselves.
Combine this with some acting out at home (barring, of course, truly sociopathic behavior) and you have a child who knows that s/he has loving and supportive parents who will know when to establish appropriate boundaries. The testing of these boundaries that causes us such stress is exactly the dynamic that allows our children to learn right from wrong experientially, while challenging us to exhibit our exceptional parenting skills! :-)
If it seems easy to be a parent, you're probably not paying proper attention!
Re: Is your toddler better behaved when others are watching him?
Just to confirm... this post is mine... I wasn't logged in, sorry!
Re: Is your toddler better behaved when others are watching him?
One of my little girls is the same way. She is the 3rd out of five little girls. When she is home she won't help anybody with anything. Her attention is always caught by something else and she forgets things. Me and my wife thought that we would have trouble with her when it came to school. Imagine our surprise when we checked with her teachers and they said that she is a perfect angel. she listens to the teacher, cleans up her and others messes, and doesn't even complain when it's nap time. I don't understand how she could be like night and day.
Re: Is your toddler better behaved when others are watching him?
Our little angel is the same way (2.5 yo boy). Also interesting: He will eat things he wouldn't even touch at home - when he was at a summer camp recently ha reportedly had two helpings of salad ;)
Re: Is your toddler better behaved when others are watching him?
My 2 girls, 3 and 6 years of age, are perfect angels when other people. Especially with grandma. But as soon as my wife or I show up, the show's over. They are back to their old selves, whiny and extremely demanding. My wife and I ponder this phenomenon on a daily basis. Is it because they know what buttons to push with Mommy and Daddy?
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