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How old is too old for your kids to see you naked?

tony's picture

okay, sort of an embarrassing question... my tot still hangs out in the bathroom with me while I shower and get ready for work everyday. When should I kicking him out? Is it different for girls vs. boys?

Re: How old is too old for your kids to see you naked?

My son is 10 months old and I have taken a bath with him. I didn't think anything of it. After telling my wife about the bath, she became extremly upset and says it's weird. She is making me promise to never do it again. This is something I just don't understand. Any thoughts on how to resolve this issue. Btw, she's catholic (I'm not).

Re: How old is too old for your kids to see you naked?

Umm... I don't understand what the issue is here? What is wrong with being naked in front of your kids? I really don't see the problem. My son and I are 17 years apart and he and I have always been naked around each other. He is now 21 and this has never stopped. When he was little, we would shower together (so that I could make sure he was clean) and he always needed to use the toilet when ever I did. Every time, I'd be sitting there and he would start "I got to go now!" lol. As well, he never wanted to wait outside of a public bathroom for me, always wanting to come in, so even as he got older we would use the bathroom together, public showers, changing rooms etc. Even more recently; we were in a Starbucks in Manhattan and shared the bathroom, no big deal. The line was huge so when we were up, we just went in together. We're both guys. This sharing the bathroom stuff became a daily event back in the fall of 2002, my work schedule changed to day shift permanently. When he started back to school in September, it just didn't make sense for me to get up an hour earlier everyday to get ready before him. I did this the first few days and thought this is dumb, I want to sleep the extra hour. I suggested to him that we should just get ready together everyday. He responded that this would be great. We already did this randomly, like before church on Sunday or an outing we were going on. In the fall of 2002 he was 13, and this "openness" that we shared helped him much as he started puberty. My father was not one for this stuff, so I had to learn on my own, but with my son and I being so open, I was able to be there for him and watch him change. We had many "birds and the bees" discussions in the bathroom. I would wake him up every morning and then go into the shower. He would be in a few minutes later and sit would sit down on the toilet and talked while i showered then we would switch places. As he was changing, we talked about pubic hair, erections and masturbation, sex, you name it, while getting ready in the morning. I think that this openness that we stare has ultimately made our father/son relationship better, as there is a bond there becuase of our life style. My wife never had a problem with this, she often said boys will be boy's and laugh. I do now have a little girl I have not done this with her; in fact it's the other way around; she shares the bathroom with my wife. I wonder what they are talking about.

Re: How old is too old for your kids to see you naked?

My little girl is 4 now and has not known anything else but to see us naked getting out of the shower or dressed and her dad naked around the house. It is healthy for her. We now have a boy. We will raise them to not judge the body and enjoy what they do have and respect it. If you are ashamed of your body that is a terrible thing. Appreciate your body. Praise your kids up and do not make them self conscious of their bodies. Yet in public teach them how to dress modestly. A girl dressed with skimpy clothing is worse than being naked.
RSCk

Re: How old is too old for your kids to see you naked?

Holding a B.A. in Social Sciences, I admit that I am perplexed at the number of websites that exist asking this very same question" "At what age should my children not see me naked?"
Someone posted a reply here about his wife not being satisfied with her body to the point that she is considering breast surgery and that she doesn't let even her husband see her nude. The question, along with some of the answers, reveals quite a bit to me, which I feel the need to share here to help put people at ease.
First of all, forget about asking your pediatrician. Their answers are directed by what is called, "Cultural Normative Behavior", and it varies incredibly from culture to culture, and even from region to region within a country. However, cultural normative behavior is exactly what drives American culture. The poor lady who cannot accept the appearance of her breasts is a victim of this. In our culture, perfect breasts are plastered all over the internet, the cinema screen, and as much of the "perfect breast" is revealed on television as the FCC will allow. But for a woman to have saggy breasts, or one breast larger than the other? The media and the fashion industry have convinced us that we must be physically perfect in every way to be viewed publicly. How tragic; it's unrealistic and it's unhealthy. And by raising our children with the same ideas of nudity that we were raised with is only perpetuating the whole thing. And I must confess that there are many people who are bothered by this on a deeper level than they realize, or websites asking the same questions wouldn't exist.
Let's look at this way: in the countries where nudity is permitted on public beaches and so forth, these countries do not have nearly the sexual crime rate that the United States does, nor do they have the teenage pregnancy rate. Casual nudity in Europe has erased the mysticism of the body that remains so prevalent in the U.S. in the U.S. nudity is associated with sex, simply because parents teach that to their children on a subliminal level. At the same time, if so many parents did not want to relax nude around the house while they have children at home, these types of web sites wouldn't exist. In short, Europe has long since removed any existing sexuality from simple nudity.
So, here is the situation: You were raised in a family that taught that nudity is wrong. Yet through some chance happening, you realized that being nude around the house can be comfortable, relaxing, liberating, and casually recreational; some have even watched TV nude. But once the kids came along, you reverted back to how you were raised, and now you are questioning if it was right or wrong. You have found that being nude around the house is not sexual, yet the cultural normative of teaching your children different than what you have learned from your own experience, prompts you perpetuate the norm you now question. You miss being nude and want that option back. I say this because the ones posting the questions and answers have children and they want to continue nudism to the exact point that someone else tells them to. That is pretty much the summation I have arrived at. Let me know if it is accurate or not, because if that is the situation, here is how to resolve it:
Being nude in front of your children is wrong only the even that you make it that way. My guess is that if you equate nudity with sex, and at the same time want to have the right to be nude at home, you received mixed messages while growing up, and you are passing them on to your children. Cut that out. It isn't healthy for anybody involved. Nudity is only a perverted act if it is treated like one. I remember asking my first wife when she delivered our son if she planned to breast feed. She replied, "NO! That's not natural!" Wow.
If it is relaxing and comfortable for you to enjoy being nude around the house, there is nothing wrong with that. There is more modesty in a nude woman than a woman in a string bikini. The woman in the bikini wants something "left to the imagination" while displaying the conservation of her body. That is more easily interpreted as sex than nudity, because nudity reveals the flaws and the natural condition placed on the body through just plain living in it.
Here is a suggestion to introduce older children to nudism if you want to. Introduce them to the fine quality internet sites (you have to screen them first) regarding nude recreation. Discuss with them the advantages and freedom of nudism that you yourself have found with such things as nude housework, or watching TV nude, or what have you. If these activities are not sexual clothed, why should they be nude? Perhaps your children do things nude when you are not aware of it, but would feel embarrassed if they were caught by you; not so much that you would have seen them nude, but that they were caught doing something nude. The same thing would occur with you.
Do I have any children? Yes, my wife and I together have six children ranging from one year to fifteen; three girls and three boys. Have they seen us nude? Countless times. Were we doing anything that could be interpreted as sexual? Of course not.
Our culture condemns simple nudity in the home, yet glorifies it at the movies, and on television. And in every scene, the nudity is the result of a sexually inspired moment. The only time we take our clothes off is to shower or have sex. No wonder we are messed up psychologically when it comes to our bodies. Our children will grow up with the same hangups we have and wonder, just like we do, "what is wrong with this picture".

Re: How old is too old for your kids to see you naked?

So you think its completely fine to let a child look at your penis, and that there could be nothing sexual about that?
I find your argument about as flawed as this; My penis has become erect due to the increase in blood flow because my heart has sent blood there due to my brain stimulating it due to the visual fact that we are all naked........
Its not my fault that I have a reaction to enviromental and biological/chemical processes.
Perhaps your argument is more about yourself than the child which leads to an argument from silence.
There is good shame and bad and if parents are asking the question its there. Weather it is good or bad is open for a moral debate. Yes society does have standards and what should they be? Which is worse and the least damaging,to the child, with clothes or without?
Regards
Matt
Father of 3 (dressed)

Re: How old is too old for your kids to see you naked?

Thanks a lot for this information........

Re: How old is too old for your kids to see you naked?

Oh for goodness sake .......... your kids will tell you when they want to stop seeing you naked and will soon start covering up themselves when they are ready to; until then dont worry!

Re: How old is too old for your kids to see you naked?

I have a 6 year old little boy and up until he was aroun 2 I would let him bath with me and so forth. BUt after that age I thought that he was getting big enough to understand that we were not the same and didn't have the same body parts. I also have a 3 year old little girl and I still let her shower with me sometimes. Because she knows that we do have the same body parts. Her 4th birthday is coming up soon and i plan on setting some privacy rules then. but although she is only 3 she knows that she is different than her dad and brother and she won't go in the bathroom when they are in there and she won't let them come in when she is using the bathroom. I don't want her to a ashamed of her body, but at the same time, I don't think it is appropriate for a father to be naked around a little girl either, even if it is inicent, because some people may get the wrong idea if it got out to the wrong people. I know that everyone is different and has different rules for their children, these are just what my rules are with mine. I hope that I haven't offended anyone. I just wanted to get my opinion out there..

Re: How old is too old for your kids to see you naked?

Dead... If we teach our kids that naked is dirty it will be and they will do the same with your grandkids Body shame is a learned behavior and we need to get out the message that clothes are overrated, and should be used to stay warm or protect us from the elements cold or hot. The rest of the time it's only fashion

Re: How old is too old for your kids to see you naked?

My family is very open about nudity.

I think body shame is a very American thing.

I have three daughter, 10, 13 and 14, and they're always naked around the house. So are me and my wife. It's really no big deal.

Re: How old is too old for your kids to see you naked?

What a strange thing to worry about. I grew up taking baths and showers with both of my parents for as long as I can remember. My mother still comes out of the shower at her house with just a towel on her head and I'm 32 years old. My wife and my two children all bath together. My 2 year old daughter washes my back and my six year old son washes my feet just the way me my brother and sister did for our parents. I think it helped me to have a good body image. The problem I am having now is that my wife doesn't like the way she looks to the point where she wants breast surgery. The only people my wife had ever seen naked growing up was herself and people on TV. I'm thinking it hurt her not to see her parents nude. I think its good for children to see their parents naked so that the get an idea of what normal people look like naked.

Re: How old is too old for your kids to see you naked?

I wondered about this from the start, but in the end the answer was easy. Obviously a newborn is oblivious, but where's the dividing line? I just naturally go off by myself to dress and undress, because it's the privacy I'm used to. Around age three, he started copying my modesty.

I suspect it's the same for all parents and children, if you watch what you do and how they copy you. When they start imitating whatever your modesty calls for, just go with the flow and keep doing modest things. They will follow suit.

Re: How old is too old for your kids to see you naked?

My son is 10 an he walks in on me often. He occasionaly becomes arroused and i catch him looking at my private parts, but I think that he is simply curious so there is no need to worry. He is naked a lot too, and sometimes he goes skinny dipping in our pool. Its cute!

One Nude Dude!!

My 3.5yr old, Maxx is constantly naked. He comes home from a long day at day-care and just sheds his clothes and lounges "au natural"!!

If he sees me naked when I get out of the shower he doesn't make a big deal about it, at all. My wife does not let him see her naked at all (or me for that matter, lol!!) I think it is very normal for kids at that age to want to explore their own bodies but the key word there is "their" bodies.

When they ask...What's That Daddy?!??!!!?

MrD's picture

I think as soon as they started talking and asked "What's That Daddy?!??" is when I started using disrcetion around my girls. I would say 2-3 years old is when I got that question. Now, I just close the door when I am dressing and/or in the bathroom. If they happen to see me, I don't make a big deal about it...I just say "OK, whatever."

being bare

My $.02: My parents let my sister and me see them naked when we were tots, and I think it allowed my curiosity to be answered about both men and women's bodies. My wife and I are hoping if we welcome nakedness as a fine thing-- while closing the bathroom door for privacy sometimes-- our son will learn that bodies are good and beautiful things. I echo Ken and Paul that attitude is key.

dr says

i think most pediatricians recommend that children should not see their opposite sex parent naked after about age 3. ask you pediatrician to verify this is correct. same sex - not sure if there is a specific age.

good point about the nakedness thing

tony's picture

I've been amazed at how much he picks up. at 22 months, he already reads me like a book...

Hmmm, my little girl is

Hmmm, my little girl is three and her seeing me naked isn't an issue; I try to keep it to a low roar, but if she wanders into the room while I'm drying off or something I don't shoo her away. I think the big thing is your attitude towards the situation, if you freak out and start acting weird the kid will pick up on it and do the same.

Nakedness

paulcampanellajr's picture

My wife and I have been very open about the issue from the start. (maybe too open) Our girls 4 & 6, love being naked. They are obsessed with both of our anatomies. We're in the process now of setting boundaries and stressing appropriateness. We want them to understand that they should not ever be ashamed of their bodies, but at the same time be respectful of other people's privacy. It's a tricky situation, but I tend to agree with Ken. If WE make a big deal about it, then the kids will.

-pc jr

Nakedness

paulcampanellajr's picture

I just wanted to add that at this point my wife and I DO kick them out of the bathroom, but we explain that we need our privacy. At the same time, if they wander in while we are dressing, we don't make a big deal about it.

-pc jr

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