Submitted by Adam's Dad (not verified) on May 2, 2008 - 10:10am.
I didn't even want to have kids. Not because I didn't like them, but because when I thought of my childhood, it wasn't happy thoughts.
Eventually I decided. If I'm gonna have a child, it's going to be different. Very different.
I have stayed true to my word and I get many compliments on my son, many I believe are a result of my "I'll Never Do.... resolution."
Here are a few of mine:
1) I'll never physically discipline my child. I didn't decide this because I'm a bleeding heart liberal (rather just the opposite). But because I didn't want to teach my child that the way you resolve an issue is with physical force. I grew up getting in fights in school, suspended for fighting and fights as an adult. I realized that wasn't the way I wanted my son to live so I just simply didn't want to teach him that if someone does something you don't like, you hit them. My son is now six and no matter how crazy things might get or upset he gets with something I can tell him to come here and he will walk over to me and I can talk to him and we can "think" through to a resolution of whatever the issue is. At 40 years old, I still wanna pound someone when they piss me off. Punishment for me and probably many of you was issued physically in one form or another.
2) I'll never discipline my child when I'm angry. Most of the discipline I received as a child was at the hands of angry parents. It wasn't a good thing. I resolved that if I was going to make the decision to have a child, I needed to first make the decision that I had to have patience.
3) Necessary vs. Unnecessary - If I heard it once, I heard it a thousand times growing up. "That's not necessary" or "You don't need that." We all do things that are not necessary or not needed, that's part of what makes us human and brings fulfillment in life. Do you really NEED to take a vacation? Do you really need to get your hair cut? Do you really need to drink that cup of coffee? When you buy your kid something every time you go to the store, you run the risk of creating a bad habit for them where they MAY become Mr or Mrs Consumer who buys everything when they get older. Likewise if you NEVER buy then something, you run the same risk because they will always want it and never be able to have it. When they get old enough and have some $$, they will probably become Mr. or Mrs. Consumer.
4) I'll give my child time - I run a business and could literally work all day every day, but I decided that if I was going to have a child, I needed to understand that my child would (hopefully) want me to spend time with them, playing and teaching them stuff. At forty, I can still remember wanting my father to explain something to me about the electrical system in a car I was trying to restore/fix-up. He never would. He knew how, he was an electrical engineer, but he would prefer to read the newspaper. My son is my responsibility, I made the decision to bring him into this world, I had better be prepared to give him the time he needs, the patience and the love required.
5) TRY my honest best to answer his questions - Thank god for google. I hated when I asked a question when I was a child and people would ignore me or give me a stupid answer. When my son has an answer I do my best to answer it and explain it to his satisfaction. A few months ago when the question of the Moon and why the moon has different shapes came up. I got a flashlight, an orange and a golf yellow golf ball to show him how the light from the sun (flashlight) was blocked by the earth (orange) but some reached the moon (golf ball). And we spend a lot of time on google. In fact, I was proud when in pre-K they were doing "G" words and the teacher said his G word was "Google."
In general. Just because your parents raised you that way.. Doesn't mean you should raise your child that way.
As for video games... I played them and love them. My son started playing my PS2 when he was about 3 yrs old. Now we spend a lot of time playing his Wii together. I think if you don't ever allow your kids to play video games, you are hurting them more than helping them. Computers, computer interaction and virtual space is the future. Video games are at the cutting edge of many of these technologies.
I remember my parents saying "You should be reading a book instead of doing that. That won't get you anywhere."
I started a software company 13 years ago and still run it today and I make more money than my parents, my brother and sister make combined.
Never going to... was/is a big deal for me
I didn't even want to have kids. Not because I didn't like them, but because when I thought of my childhood, it wasn't happy thoughts.
Eventually I decided. If I'm gonna have a child, it's going to be different. Very different.
I have stayed true to my word and I get many compliments on my son, many I believe are a result of my "I'll Never Do.... resolution."
Here are a few of mine:
1) I'll never physically discipline my child. I didn't decide this because I'm a bleeding heart liberal (rather just the opposite). But because I didn't want to teach my child that the way you resolve an issue is with physical force. I grew up getting in fights in school, suspended for fighting and fights as an adult. I realized that wasn't the way I wanted my son to live so I just simply didn't want to teach him that if someone does something you don't like, you hit them. My son is now six and no matter how crazy things might get or upset he gets with something I can tell him to come here and he will walk over to me and I can talk to him and we can "think" through to a resolution of whatever the issue is. At 40 years old, I still wanna pound someone when they piss me off. Punishment for me and probably many of you was issued physically in one form or another.
2) I'll never discipline my child when I'm angry. Most of the discipline I received as a child was at the hands of angry parents. It wasn't a good thing. I resolved that if I was going to make the decision to have a child, I needed to first make the decision that I had to have patience.
3) Necessary vs. Unnecessary - If I heard it once, I heard it a thousand times growing up. "That's not necessary" or "You don't need that." We all do things that are not necessary or not needed, that's part of what makes us human and brings fulfillment in life. Do you really NEED to take a vacation? Do you really need to get your hair cut? Do you really need to drink that cup of coffee? When you buy your kid something every time you go to the store, you run the risk of creating a bad habit for them where they MAY become Mr or Mrs Consumer who buys everything when they get older. Likewise if you NEVER buy then something, you run the same risk because they will always want it and never be able to have it. When they get old enough and have some $$, they will probably become Mr. or Mrs. Consumer.
4) I'll give my child time - I run a business and could literally work all day every day, but I decided that if I was going to have a child, I needed to understand that my child would (hopefully) want me to spend time with them, playing and teaching them stuff. At forty, I can still remember wanting my father to explain something to me about the electrical system in a car I was trying to restore/fix-up. He never would. He knew how, he was an electrical engineer, but he would prefer to read the newspaper. My son is my responsibility, I made the decision to bring him into this world, I had better be prepared to give him the time he needs, the patience and the love required.
5) TRY my honest best to answer his questions - Thank god for google. I hated when I asked a question when I was a child and people would ignore me or give me a stupid answer. When my son has an answer I do my best to answer it and explain it to his satisfaction. A few months ago when the question of the Moon and why the moon has different shapes came up. I got a flashlight, an orange and a golf yellow golf ball to show him how the light from the sun (flashlight) was blocked by the earth (orange) but some reached the moon (golf ball). And we spend a lot of time on google. In fact, I was proud when in pre-K they were doing "G" words and the teacher said his G word was "Google."
In general. Just because your parents raised you that way.. Doesn't mean you should raise your child that way.
As for video games... I played them and love them. My son started playing my PS2 when he was about 3 yrs old. Now we spend a lot of time playing his Wii together. I think if you don't ever allow your kids to play video games, you are hurting them more than helping them. Computers, computer interaction and virtual space is the future. Video games are at the cutting edge of many of these technologies.
I remember my parents saying "You should be reading a book instead of doing that. That won't get you anywhere."
I started a software company 13 years ago and still run it today and I make more money than my parents, my brother and sister make combined.