Submitted by Duane (not verified) on August 6, 2008 - 2:13pm.
Alfie Kohn mentions that a lot of our parenting choices are based on how others perceive us and our children. In other words, "you have wonderful children" usually means "your kids aren't a pain in my you-know-what!"
I'm guilty of this, too. I don't want people thinking my kids are spoiled, obnoxious brats for the simple reason that it will affect how people treat them. BUT, more often than not, if I examine my motives closely it's clear that I don't want people thinking poorly about ME. It's been a hard transition to make, but I honestly try hard to do what is best for my kids, even if it means looking foolish or letting my kids act out a little in public. (Category 1)
On the flip side, it's really interesting to see how many times parents make choices that are not in the best interests of the child and his/her development, but rather are for the sake of convenience. I've really taken to the phrase "raising adults" as opposed to "raising children." It helps me remember that how they act on an airplane at age 3 is not nearly as important as how they act at age 33 as a spouse, friend, employee, leader, or community-member. Long after that guy next to us on the flight is forgotten, the lessons I impart to my kids will still be deeply imbedded. (Category 4)
Thanks for this post. It helps me remember that I'm not the only dad out there making tough choices about discipline, behavior, and the lifelong development of my kids!
Re: Brett Favre & Dad Decision-Making
Alfie Kohn mentions that a lot of our parenting choices are based on how others perceive us and our children. In other words, "you have wonderful children" usually means "your kids aren't a pain in my you-know-what!"
I'm guilty of this, too. I don't want people thinking my kids are spoiled, obnoxious brats for the simple reason that it will affect how people treat them. BUT, more often than not, if I examine my motives closely it's clear that I don't want people thinking poorly about ME. It's been a hard transition to make, but I honestly try hard to do what is best for my kids, even if it means looking foolish or letting my kids act out a little in public. (Category 1)
On the flip side, it's really interesting to see how many times parents make choices that are not in the best interests of the child and his/her development, but rather are for the sake of convenience. I've really taken to the phrase "raising adults" as opposed to "raising children." It helps me remember that how they act on an airplane at age 3 is not nearly as important as how they act at age 33 as a spouse, friend, employee, leader, or community-member. Long after that guy next to us on the flight is forgotten, the lessons I impart to my kids will still be deeply imbedded. (Category 4)
Thanks for this post. It helps me remember that I'm not the only dad out there making tough choices about discipline, behavior, and the lifelong development of my kids!