As you may have already realized, you didn't just marry your wife on your wedding day. You also married her entire family, as strange, fun, intrusive, snide, cool, disapproving or lax as they may be. You are now forever linked to them, whether you like it or not.

While you may dislike or even despise them (or even if you like them at the moment), you're going to have to learn to live with them. You'll be lucky if you only have to deal with them on holidays, but if your wife is a family gal who wants to live close to home, you're in for a little more than you first imagined.

There are hundreds of reasons why you may have problems with them, or they with you. Maybe they don't approve of you as their daughter's husband. Maybe they involve themselves too much in your life, taking control of household issues or undermining your parenting skills. On the other hand, maybe they don't involve themselves enough, and their absence offends your wife.

For whatever reason, a problem exists. There are a number of options available to you. One, you can simply choose to hate them, in which case you will boycott holidays and family functions or simply show up and be sullen and mopey. Two, you can hate them so much you demand that your wife cut all ties with them. This one is certainly not a winner and not recommended. And, third, you can forgive all trespasses and try your best to make this relationship work.

Any negative choice you make is going to have negative consequences on your family. If you don't care for them and don't bother disguising your hatred, you put a lot of stress on your wife, who now has to be your mediator. Although this might not end your marriage, it will certainly be a thorn in its side. If you demand your wife abandon her family, you're giving her an ultimatum that probably won't fall in your favor. You may be the love of her life, but family is blood. If you think you're powerful enough to enforce that separation or wonderful enough to substitute for her entire family, good luck to you.

While the third choice may be the hardest to swallow, it is also the most healthy choice for your family. You may hate the in-laws, but your wife loves them. Playing nice despite your seething distrust and resentment will show her that you care enough about her to swallow your pride. Keeping the peace with your in-laws will also be infinitely more healthy for your kids. They'll have grandparents without the turmoil of family drama, and they'll also be saved the emotional anguish of learning about the bad sides of their relatives when they're too young to understand.

If you're looking to bury the hatchet, mend some fences or perform any other cliché that might make your relationship with your in-laws a little more palatable, here are some helpful tips:

1. Make the effort - You're not going to get anywhere with your in-laws by being a sullen, unapproachable jerk. Instead, change your ways. Be friendly during holidays, offer to help out when they have projects around the house, or just drop in on them with the grandkids as a surprise. If you reach out to them, you may break through their hardened shells.
   
   
2. Keep in touch with distant relatives - Make it a point to keep in touch if your in-laws live far away. We live in the age of the Internet, so make the most of it. Send pictures of the kids, or have them draw pictures for you to scan and email. Although your wife may already be doing this, make it a point to do it yourself, as well. Show them that you care, and that you want their presence in your children's lives.
   
   
3. Never try to enforce separation of your wife and your in-laws - This will earn you no brownie points on either side of the equation. Your in-laws will hate you for stealing their daughter away, and your wife will resent you for trying to come between her and her family. This method is doomed to failure. Blood is always thicker than water. Instead, be supportive of your wife's needs to see her family, and don't balk when she wants to connect with them. If they see you making the effort, your in-laws will appreciate your respect of their family.
   
   
4. Always be respectful - If you have grievances with your in-laws, be respectful about them. Approach them, but don't give them more reason to dislike you. Yelling, screaming and name-calling won't endear you to anyone. Be respectful, be calm and rise above. Even if they become angry, maintain your cool. In the end, you'll have been the calm and sensible one and they'll have been the irate and irrational ones - and everyone else will know it.

Your relationship with your in-laws doesn't have to be a rocky one. All you have to do is make the effort. If they're as stubborn, irrational and hard-headed as you think they are, then nothing you do will matter. But you'll still be the one that crossed No-Man's Land and extended your hand, and your wife won't have anything to complain about.

For more help dealing with the in-laws, check out these links here and here.